I’m Still Here

It has been four weeks since I came home from the hospital and what a whirlwind of a month it has been.  I’m definitely still here, alive, a little tired but finally falling into a groove with our daughter and things are looking good. I will definitely tell you that the first two weeks after Petra was born were the hardest weeks of my life.  Not only was her feeding schedule incredibly demanding and exhausting but I did suffer from a hardcore case of the baby blues.  Those hormones, man.  THOSE HORMONES. I cried because I was sad that my life was changing so quickly but I also cried because I was happy to start this new chapter (confusing right?) and I cried because the feeling of loving a little baby SO MUCH was so hard to bear.  Like I told Lukasz, my rock through all of it, it was all just so heavy.  I tell you this because 1) I don’t want to sugarcoat anything and 2)Because I didn’t know this was going to happen.  I was worried that this was post-partum depression but after a dark couple of weeks, I can honestly tell you that I feel much better.  I feel like myself again.

Another thing that happened this month that has my head spinning and my heart bursting is Lukasz and I getting engaged.  We got engaged a couple of weeks ago out on the North Fork of Long Island.  We packed our two week old baby girl in the car along with some essentials and took a two hour road trip to end up at the very end of the fork. A quick 10 minute hike to a secluded pebble beach with crystal clear water and he proposed with the most beautiful ring.  I’m so incredibly happy with my little family and we can’t wait to start planning our festivities.  So far we have a few venue ideas and with a baby, I know it might be a little difficult to plan but I’m not bummed about it, I’m just happy in this moment.

As for our baby girl, she’s officially going to be one month old on June 11th and I’m in shock at how fast this time has gone by.  I can hardly believe that a month ago, she was experiencing her first day on this earth and now she’s smiling and cooing!  It’s amazing how quickly babies develop in their first year.  She loves being in her carrier and taking walks outside and she loves the sound of her dad’s voice and when he sings to her.  It’s pretty magical to watch and makes me love them both even more! While she’s definitely not sleeping through the night, her cycle hasn’t been terrible.  She usually falls asleep at 8pm and then doesn’t wake up until midnight to eat.  Then another 4 hours to sleep.  Wakes up, eats and wakes up for the day around 6 or 7am.  Despite the long hours of sleep, I definitely still need my coffee, like, the MINUTE I wake up.  One giant cup usually does the trick for the day.  Plus I’m still breastfeeding so I can’t go caffeine crazy like I usually do.  And lastly, I’m finally starting to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes! It’s not the first thing on my mind, but it’s a nice afterthought.

I hope to be doing more regular updates now that things are a little less crazy so FINGERS CROSSED. 🙂